Wes’ deep sadness continued through January. The psychiatrist was reluctant to change a medication formula that had been successful so far. “Work on grieving the relationship in therapy.” The therapist wasn’t ready to give up on the relationship: “Grieve the loss of trust.” The sadness continued. Wes floated a trial balloon toward Tom January 23rd: “I’ve been missing you.” “I’ve been missing you, too.” And he began attending Al-Anon. (Nar-Anon could certainly be an applicable resource as well. The Al-Anon meeting fit in his location+schedule.) It was helpful to hear others talk about depression, self-pity, and recovery. With those as a start, Wes went forward with hemorrhoidectomy surgery on the 27th without telling Tom. He wanted any return to be out of choice, not necessity.
In mid February, after 8 weeks of difficulty getting out of bed, Wes’ suicidal ideation flared to a 7-8. He promptly saw his psychiatrist and insisted on change. They agreed on two things -- an increase in the existing antidepressant and a course of intensive “cognitive behavior therapy.”
Wes and Tom received three offers in 48 hours on the condo in March after four months with lots of showings but no offers.
April brought additional finality to the relationship transition via incremental progress on the divorce and the condo sale. Meanwhile, Tom moved into his own place and gave Wes permission to go on with his life.
Tom had an intense relapse in May, the upside of which was uncovering an additional meth addiction. Officer Wes got an Al-Anon sponsor. And the condo sale finally closed. Now Wes and Tom only had the amicable divorce to complete.
Cognitive behavior therapy started winding down in June. July integrated Provigil for energy, and full-on active scheduling: Playing the keyboard; volleyball; paddleball; walks at Balboa, Mission Trails, and Ft. Stockton parks; volunteering; BBQ; learning the tango; the beach; Coronado & Ocean Beach dog beaches with friends and Opa; beginning the search for a replacement condo; seeing Twist at The Diversionary. And, of course, being totally exhausted. August was simpler. He was sick the entire month of October. But with the help of online Real estate tool Redfin (regional coverage) he found a light and bright (number one for strong familial Seasonal Affective Disorder) new place from home and in late October went into escrow. Apologies on the weird left-alignment -- I'm using new free OpenOffice software and as far as I can tell I can only left or right align a picture.
(it's also filled with amazingly beautiful orchids)
light! light! lots of light!
(living room vaulted ceiling with “eyebrow windows,” as seen from entry)
fireplace, mirrors and big window
(looking back toward entry, from dining
there's a washer/dryer to left of picture!)
(plus glimpse of front door, at far left, and kitchen)
(check out the groovy built-in toaster, near left,
and groovy built-in can opener, far back left)
(again: light! light! lots of light!)
(Originally I just left this picture out, thinking “Eh. It's a bathroom.” Then I was showing these to my friend Melissa and she said: “There's no bathroom?!” I'm pretty sure she meant bathroom picture, but ya never know...)
I love you Melissa!
November was filled with the escrow process – compiling documentation for the pre-approved loan, pulling together additional documentation for the loan underwriter, appraisal, inspection, signing documents with a notary – and the actual closing itself. Officer Wes also prepared for the December move during this time. He thinned belongings – his record collection, stereo and mixing gear, the new couch – to re-size for the small condo and its floor-plan. He also found a suitable dining table and chairs, two living room chairs, and a bright red metal desk with Daddy Barry and John's help. December brought the actual move itself. Officer Wes had the movers pack him this time. Ohmygoodness that was way easier; and not all that much more expensive. And beloved former 2nd slave, dog bobby, came for an extended visit.
Like September 14th, Tom fell December 5th and wound up in the ICU with blood on the brain. Symptoms and appearances point to continued inhalant abuse. And Stan, Daddy Barry's ex with whom he is going to retire in Palm Springs, fell off a ladder on New Year's eve, collapsing a lung and fracturing two vertebrae.
The vast arc of 2009 was trudging through darkness into light – with the substantial help of Daddy Barry and John; Sister Susan; sponsors Mark & Everett; sponsees Dion and boy dan; therapy and pharmaceuticals; new friend Melissa; and many others.
Once again I close a year with hope and wish you health and happiness.
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